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Brain Freeze Blamed on the Internet.

zoink?

Lately, i’ve become aware that i don’t actually think for myself anymore. Why think when the internet can do it so much better?

Can’t spell something? Google it or rely on the dotted red line. (If you right click on the word, it actually tells you the correct spelling. Magic!) Don’t know the definition of the word you can’t spell? Just add “define: wordican’tspell” and Google will tell you. I can use my ultra-portable Speak and Spell when I’m on the go, but I’ve yet to find an outfit that really works with it.

Can’t do simple math? Google calculator to the rescue. A pound to grams? Sweet Google!
googly calculator

What ever happened to my high school arch nemesis? Oh gained a little bit of weight. Sweet revenge. Thanks Facebook. Oh, and what about that guy that sat next to me in History 101 who ate pens? Yeah, used to carry at least 3 that he would suck on and gnaw on, making this horrific slurping, crunching noise that drove me so bananas that I had to move outside the power T and into the back row, where I ironically ended up sitting next to a girl that literally smelt like bananas.

Was there ever a war over bananas? Thanks Wikipedia. (This article does not cite any references or sources. Hmm. That can’t be a good thing. Ah well, what’s wrong with learning historically inaccurate facts? Probably won’t help your Trivial Pursuit game, but how often do you play that anyway).

Picture 23

Who played Wicket the Ewok in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi? Thanks imdb.

Yub Nub

This is why I cannot be disconnected from the internet ever. Or I would actually have to use my brain. My brain, that really smart people paid to think and get the best Canadian post-secondary education their money could buy in the hopes that I would become the next Chomskette, has. failed. the. universe.

I personally blame Steve Jobs. If his computers weren’t so impenetrable to internet viruses, I may still have a partially working brain. For losing the other half (the right hemisphere… especially the part where you process fractions), I blame the invention called “TV on DVD”. Just one more episode. Can’t stop.

9 Comments

  • Reply
    Big Mike
    March 25, 2008 at 9:26 PM

    Scary. I knew the answer to the Ewok question. And he also played Willow and that scary Leprechaun dude. Note: Ewok gets a red line under it.

  • Reply
    Duane Storey
    March 25, 2008 at 11:49 PM

    I used to chew pens. Back when, you know, I used to write with a pen.

  • Reply
    Sebastian
    March 26, 2008 at 5:22 AM

    Something similiar I realized during my winter holidays last week (no hotspot at all! don’t they need Internet access in Austria?) – my MBP is completely useless without an internet connection. I had no idea what to do without an internet connection.

  • Reply
    Austin
    March 26, 2008 at 8:00 AM

    Oh where would we be with out Google?
    Probobly

  • Reply
    djh
    March 26, 2008 at 10:29 AM

    Er, it’s the LEFT hemisphere that does the fractions (remember it with this simple aide-mémoire: Left = Logical)

    Oh, just in case your analytical hemisphere has completely, irrevocably and permanently shut down, go & look it up on the internet…
    http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/25200.html
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_hemisphere
    http://www.thefreedictionary.com/irrevocably

    tee hee.

    Oh, and since you’re making an interesting Venn Diagram with Chimpsky and Brain Hemispheres, have you seen clip of chimps proving they are smarter than your average human? Go look at it on the beeb: http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_7120000/newsid_7126100/7126174.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&asb=1&news=1&bbcws=1#

  • Reply
    michael wilson
    March 26, 2008 at 1:51 PM

    I’ d love to meet a women who smelt of bananas….but doesn’t choose pens.

    With the world we live we need to start having pc’s doing more for us. Like sitting in front of the tv watching dvd’s all day.

    bye guys

  • Reply
    micah
    March 26, 2008 at 2:54 PM

    tell me about it. I’m here trying to write a paper about the design elements and principles of the opening title sequence of Casino Royale, trying to figure out how they influence the aesthetic and utilitarian functions, and all I can do is search google for answers.

    And of course check out your blog.

  • Reply
    micah
    March 26, 2008 at 2:56 PM

    well, and then of course I have to take a break to watch an episode of seven of Friends.

  • Reply
    micah
    March 26, 2008 at 3:02 PM

    OH and I thought of one more thing – Google has invaded even more of my life, with it’s SMS and 411 services. Now if I have a brain-404, I can (pretty much anywhere) ask google my questions. …

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