The Perfect Accomplishment

Running your first marathon. Finishing your undergraduate degree. Saving an endangered species from extinction.

All these things are considered an accomplishment. But let’s be honest, these accomplishments leave you feeling completely spent. I mean after running, however long a marathon is, i’m guessing a really long way, like more than 100 Starbucks stretched end to end, you’re all sweaty and thirsty and blistered in places. And at four years a pop and a hefty student loan, completing an undergraduate degree is more mentally scarring than a proper bollocking from Gordon Ramsay. And if i know polar bears like i do, which is quite well as i do live in Canada where we keep the smaller ones as pets, i know that they are a stubborn lot and aren’t really taking this whole “melting of the ice caps thing” too well. (i use quotation marks as it hasn’t really been proven yet. i mean what do you believe, hard scientific and photographic evidence backed by Mr Gore or multi-million dollar cigarette ads?)

In a nut shell, these accomplishments all require hard work, and in this day and age, who wants to work or type full words when you can express every emotion with this: :lol:

i’m happy, i’m laughing, i’m going slightly insane, i’m smiling with my eyes and crying on the inside…

And so without needless exposition i present to you the Perfect Accomplishment:

The watching of an entire season of a tv show episodes back to back as quickly and efficiently as possible.

It’s crazy. It’s wacky. It’s ruining your eyesight, your posture, your bone density and you don’t care because you love it, you relish every hour wasted by this senseless, addictive behavior and you feel pleased by it because it’s so easy and everybody secretly knows it’s not just an accomplishment, it’s the PERFECT accomplishment. and you’re ability to achieve this accomplishment over and over in a short period of time is endless.

Even though it’s technically a holiday, i’ve been busy accomplishing many many things. though i have not done any housework, work work, or made food for myself in over 2 weeks, i have accomplished the following:

• Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares — Season 2, 3, 4 and 5. Good, simple, rustic food with local produce. F*ck me, that’s delicious!

• Boiling Point and Beyond Boiling Point. I’ve been properly Ramsayed.

• Planet Earth — Entire Series Ahh the soothing voice of David Attenborough… take me on a journey from pole to pole exploring the weird and wonderful world of life on this planet… please speak swiftly through the lions eating the elephant and great white shark leaping out of the water whilst munching on a seal snack segments… why do all the cute baby animals have to be eaten by some vicious snaggle-toothed predator? boo!

• Peep Show — Seasons 1 and 2. “Life’s all pain. Pain, gloom and misery… Hey, 33% extra free. I am doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means being even more frugal than usual.”

  I know what you’re thinking. I’ve basically watched every show on the BBC, which in combination with my obsessive 4 o’clock tea and biscuit behavior, makes me more British than most British people.

• Lost — Season 3. finally having the dvds in my hot little hands and watching the insanity unfold episode after episode was priceless instant gratification… until the last episode… damn you JJ!!! if you turn this show into another endless and unanswered Rambaldi Riddle i shall be quite displeased.

• Amazing Race — Seasons 8 and 9. it’s basically like a reality show of fear factor meets the bourne ultimatum without the spying, intelligence, or matt damon. so basically it’s quite useless, except for the fact that it’s ridiculously addictive and the feuding, abusive, money-hungry couples make you feel better about your life.

Aside: When i write all of them out like this it gives me a wee bit of perspective on the colossal amounts of time i’ve been wasting. still better than facebook.

i am currently looking for more things to accomplish. if you can help me on my new years resolution of accomplishing as much as possible, by recommending more seasons, series of good or bad tv shows, documentaries, or reality tv shows i should accomplish, please let me know. and if you feel particularly proud of a recent accomplishment you have achieved (i.e. Tom, 6 days, Scrubs Seasons 1-5), or want to reminisce about your first accomplishment (i.e., Mostly Lisa, > 24 hours, 24 Season 1) please share your stories in the comment section below.

let’s all celebrate in your glory!