Script in a Box

March 31st.

Does this date mean anything to you? Well, if you are an actor living in British Columbia or you are currently at the lululemon on 4th holding a steamed low fat milk from Starbucks on your way to yoga class, your spidey senses are probably tingling a little bit. You’ve seen that date somewhere before, haven’t you? Was it the call-back date you never got called-back to? No. That’s long gone. Wait! I know.

It’s UBCP Union Dues Deadline Day!

And a bright yellow, sunshiny one, isn’t it? You can almost hear the birds chirping… What’s that tune they’re whistling to?

The tune of $75 for apprentice members and $175 for full members. Yes, that’s right. You have to pay the actor’s union not to work. What? Oh yeah, even if you don’t get cast, ever, you still have to pay your union dues every year. And if you fail to pay your fees by the deadline, any credit(s) you have earned prior to that date will be eliminated. Extinguished like the tiny fire that was burning inside of you, hoping and praying to get a speaking part in “Fantastic Four 2.” Or at least the chance to snap a decent shot of you and Jessica Alba for your Facebook Album entitled, “Me and My Friends.”

I hate to tell you, but the ship has already sailed on that one my friend.

So in celebration of actors everywhere that are just plum sick of their hard knock life, I’m introducing a new post segment I call: “Script in a Box”. (Not to be confused with that other thing in a box that has been getting some attention from ladies lovin’ Mr. Timberlake. Who is not to be confused with the music producer/hit maker, Timbaland, who seems to really like to bust a little wicketty-wicketty wack on stage with his chart topping A-list celebufriends. Who are not to be confused with fake Fendi FB friends. If you got all that you’re my new bff.)

For this new segment, I have been digging deep into Lisa Belovely’s script vault to find the most premium sides for your delight and amusement. You can thank me later.

Remember: “Script in a Box” is all about unleashing your innermost acting talent. Even “non-actors” can enjoy “script in a box”. Just grab a friend who speaks with a very monotone voice, (in the acting world we call this person the “reader”), and then just go with your bad self. Free that inner showboat and show us all how it’s done!*

Now, without further ado, I present to you:

Script in a Box #1

It’s a tearjerker. I know.

*I will be accepting VHS submissions in the mail of your performance of segment 1# of “Script in the Box”. The best entries will get a shot at auditioning for my new “short” I call, quite simply, “Short”. I’m submitting it to all the festivals. So keep your fingers crossed.

NB. Remember “acting” is “not-acting well”. Pontificate on that one.