Dating on Valentine’s Day *sigh*
Posts Tagged ‘personal’
Vectorama is a monthly design/illustration competition on MostlyLisa.com. Last month, the penguin themed illustration competition was so chill, it was ace! Ninja vs Penguin pwnd the other competitors with her uber stealth penguins.
This month’s theme is Canadian Things! Things like: Hockey, maple syrup, Mounties, mountains, moose, beavers, snow plows, ice, and famous Canadian people, like Avril Lavigne. Feel free to exploit any Canadian stereotype you like. I welcome your ridicule.
Whilst in England in February this year, I got very attached with a MacBook Air. It wasn’t mine but I wished and wished with all of my might for it to be so…
AND SOMEONE ACTUALLY SENT ME ONE!! A MB AIR!!! (CAPS LOCKS ATTACK!) How insane is that? I’m still waiting for a Darlick or a Darma dude or a cylon or Ashton or Jonah Takalua to appear…
PS. If anyone else would like to send me stuff, i still need an iPhone, more M&S Biscuits, and a dinosaur Pez dispenser to match my awesome dino PJs. Rarrrr.
I spent a lot of time in university. A good 6 years to be exact. I took classes in almost every subject, partly because I was interested in so many things, but mostly because I was distracted by figure skating and continually moving all over Canada in search of a ice dance partner who didn’t require serious emotional counseling.
In those 6 years I took 52 classes. 52 classes in linguistics, journalism, writing, philosophy, psychology, neuropsych, physiology, anatomy, acoustics, English lit & grammar, Spanish, Russian, history, art history, music, film studies, and drama. I know! That’s a whole lotta knowledge I’ve crammed into my short term memory. How much actually made it into my long term memory remains to be seen.
Now, obviously I think learning stuff is cool and fun or I wouldn’t have spent so many years doing just that… or maybe I just stayed so long because of the free medical/dental plans, scholarship money, and lack of adult responsibilities…
Every now and again when I hear students whine about super hard final exams, endless assignments, and less than adequate beer at Pub night, I think to myself, “What did I actually learn in university?” Here, I explore this topic in moderate detail.
Things I learnt in university:
- The formant values of the Swedish vowel “ö”, the Russian vowel “ы”, and the Canadian vowel “aboot”;
- The inner turmoil of Ivan the terrible
- 20th Century European History (in general) AKA war sucks;
- How to review a really long & boring English Lit book by skimming, plagiarizing & half watching the movie whilst watching a super cool action flick in your peripheral vision;
- Philosophy & the Matrix (in general);
- The twisted and shady side of chiaroscuro;
- Modern poetry doesn’t NEED to rhyme;
- MS Word & Excel is the devil’s handywork;
- Psychology (in general);
- Why Tolstoy was such a giant stick in the mud;
- Nazis and Soviets were all over that propaganda shizz;
- It’s best to stay far away from the snacks on the Battleship Potemkin;
- The anatomy and physiology of the ear & mouth/throat area (in ridiculous detail);
- Infant screams/cries are less than soothing to acoustically analyze than say, Enya;
- Don’t sit next to the guy that sucks on pens causing them to explode over everything within a 5m radius;
- You really have to commit yourself to produce a good Patronus charm;
- It’s inevitable that you will get your worst mark in the class you took because you thought it would be super easy;
- Tutoring ESL is a great way to meet cute foreign exchange students;
- There are better ways to spend your time than failing to teach a monkey/chimp/gorilla language
- Pavlov was a jerk to his dog
Things I didn’t learn in University:
- How long it takes to boil an egg;
- How to earn money (in general);
- Anything about taxes;
- Tener una conversación inteligente en español es más complicado que ordenar tacos en un restaurante mexicano;
- How to fix a broken toilet or plumbing (in general);
- How to navigate around Home Depot;
- “Food-in-cupboard” maintenance;
- How to negotiate with cell phone carriers;
- Stuff about fixing cars or fallen off mufflers;
- The complexity of screwdriver heads;
- Where the missing socks go and who steals them;
- Cooking food that tastes good (in general);
- How to deal with over demanding, ambiguous, & clueless clients
- Exactly where the maple syrup comes from. Trees? The ocean? Bee hives? Mounties? Beavers?
- Anything about grout;
- How to fix broken electronics;
- Getting out stains produced by dark beverages, spaghetti sauce, and ink/jiffies/markers, on more often than not, white clothing;
- Where all the money goes and who steals it;
- Credit card debt. I swear, no one told me!!
- Computers, using software, coding, photography, video production, editing, design… basically everything I need to know. Oops.
What did you learn or not learn in university? Also, if you know the practical solution to any of the above please leave a comment. Teach me and I’ll listen… mostly.
PS. Why am I sat in front of an uber kit? Kind of random isn’t it? More sweet photos and a special DIY photo blog from my latest shoot with uber Vancouver drummer, Jesse Godin this week!
Besides failing miserably at putting on suntan lotion evenly, I was attacked by an albino Mexican sand bear! swathhhhhh. After he pawed me, I gave him some tortillas with cheese dip. This seemed to settle him for a bit while I made my get-away!!
My beloved friend, Felix the Cat, passed away yesterday morning. He was 14 and had a very good life. Felix liked sleeping on clean white sheets, eating expensive cat food, dipping his paws in milk, licking up the sugary milk at the bottom of my nighttime cereal bowl, attacking moths, running in the backyard, watching tennis and nature shows about woodland animals, and chasing string, red yarn, and thin twigs. I will miss Mr. Felix. He was a very happy and lovely cat.
Photo by Darryl Humphrey.
I can’t say I’ve always relished in people saying, “Wow Lisa, you are suuuuch a geek.” Which has happened quite a lot in my life. Especially in high school when being smart was stupid and the term “geek” sounded a lot like “you’re super lame but i’ll cheat off in science class”. Back then, even an allegiance to apple computers lead to harrassment and even disiplinary action, like when I was 8 years-old and I got kicked out of computer camp for slagging off PCs and refusing to use one.
But now the world is starting to recognize the power of the geek and the sex appeal of a smart geeky female with a Boba Fett Fetish, a quirky, yet informative twitter feed, and a vast knowledge of transformers, php, 20 sided dice, SLR cameras, BSG, Assassin’s Creed, CS3, FCP, gadgets, Top Gear, xkcd.com, Leo Laporte… aaand if she happens to look like a model with a perky set of… MBPs… that wouldn’t be the worse thing ever. We wouldn’t want to throw the balance of the world completely off kilter. Let’s face it, the majority of power geeks are still men.
And it was one of these geeks, an uber coding geek, that told me that I could not rightly call myself a geek. Seriously? After all the years I spent pining away in the Ivory Tower waiting for geeks to be cool…and the day finally comes and apparently I’m not “geeky” enough to be part of the club.
But… but… i own like 4 Mac computers and the entire series of Buffy aaaand Angel… i watched the entire Aliens Quadrilogy with special features in one go and I have a Harry Potter poster stuck to my bedroom door…i know a plethora of geeky film trivia and I’m an all-star on mininova and i’m connected to every 2.0 social hot spot and I scrobble the latest indie anthems to lastfm like a hot damn aaand I have more drawers and cupboards dedicated to SLR, video, lighting, music gear and bags and cables and plugs and snoots and gobos than clothes aaaaand I know how to use them. Especially the bags. Put stuff in and go. It’s as easy as pie.
The point is I think I’m pretty geeky. And my hypothesis is that everyone is kinda geeky as well. And so I ask you, my lovely blogging audience:
What kind of geek are you?
Define “geek” for us Wikiworld!
The definition of geek has changed considerably over time, and there is no longer a definitive modern meaning. Here are some of the many definitions:
1. A person who is interested in technology, especially computing and new media. Most geeks are adept with computers.
2. A person who relates academic subjects to the real world outside of academic studies; for example, using multivariate calculus to determine how they should correctly optimize the dimensions of a pan to bake a cake.
Well as not every geeky girl is good at maths and cooking, i’m gonna have to pass on the supreme geekiness that is combining multivariate calculus and baking. I will however provide something equally geeky in my mastered academic subject of linguistics where I hilariously intertwine syntactic trees with sustainability, Denis Quaid, Nim Chimpsky, and Gervais’ monkey news. Now that’s geeky.
I also developed an equally quirky system for organizing clothing using RGB and HSV which I call: Lisa’s Optimum Visual Outcome Method (LOVOM). Now that’s even geekier!
3. A person with a devotion to something in a way that places him or her outside the mainstream. This could be due to the intensity, depth, or subject of their interest i.e film geek, iPhone geek, web design geek or like MAx Fischer, a multi-genre geek.
4. A performer at a carnival who swallows various live animals and bugs.
Oh wikipedia you are full of so many delicious things… But that would be a definite no to swallowing live bugs.
So with so much sweet sweet geekiness to choose from: What kind of Geek are you?
Running your first marathon. Finishing your undergraduate degree. Saving an endangered species from extinction.
All these things are considered an accomplishment. But let’s be honest, these accomplishments leave you feeling completely spent. I mean after running, however long a marathon is, i’m guessing a really long way, like more than 100 Starbucks stretched end to end, you’re all sweaty and thirsty and blistered in places. And at four years a pop and a hefty student loan, completing an undergraduate degree is more mentally scarring than a proper bollocking from Gordon Ramsay. And if i know polar bears like i do, which is quite well as i do live in Canada where we keep the smaller ones as pets, i know that they are a stubborn lot and aren’t really taking this whole “melting of the ice caps thing” too well. (i use quotation marks as it hasn’t really been proven yet. i mean what do you believe, hard scientific and photographic evidence backed by Mr Gore or multi-million dollar cigarette ads?)
In a nut shell, these accomplishments all require hard work, and in this day and age, who wants to work or type full words when you can express every emotion with this: :lol:
i’m happy, i’m laughing, i’m going slightly insane, i’m smiling with my eyes and crying on the inside…
And so without needless exposition i present to you the Perfect Accomplishment:
The watching of an entire season of a tv show episodes back to back as quickly and efficiently as possible.
It’s crazy. It’s wacky. It’s ruining your eyesight, your posture, your bone density and you don’t care because you love it, you relish every hour wasted by this senseless, addictive behavior and you feel pleased by it because it’s so easy and everybody secretly knows it’s not just an accomplishment, it’s the PERFECT accomplishment. and you’re ability to achieve this accomplishment over and over in a short period of time is endless.
Even though it’s technically a holiday, i’ve been busy accomplishing many many things. though i have not done any housework, work work, or made food for myself in over 2 weeks, i have accomplished the following:
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares — Season 2, 3, 4 and 5. Good, simple, rustic food with local produce. F*ck me, that’s delicious!
Boiling Point and Beyond Boiling Point. I’ve been properly Ramsayed.
Planet Earth — Entire Series Ahh the soothing voice of David Attenborough… take me on a journey from pole to pole exploring the weird and wonderful world of life on this planet… please speak swiftly through the lions eating the elephant and great white shark leaping out of the water whilst munching on a seal snack segments… why do all the cute baby animals have to be eaten by some vicious snaggle-toothed predator? boo!
Peep Show — Seasons 1 and 2. “Life’s all pain. Pain, gloom and misery… Hey, 33% extra free. I am doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means being even more frugal than usual.”
I know what you’re thinking. I’ve basically watched every show on the BBC, which in combination with my obsessive 4 o’clock tea and biscuit behavior, makes me more British than most British people.
Lost — Season 3. finally having the dvds in my hot little hands and watching the insanity unfold episode after episode was priceless instant gratification… until the last episode… damn you JJ!!! if you turn this show into another endless and unanswered Rambaldi Riddle i shall be quite displeased.
Amazing Race — Seasons 8 and 9. it’s basically like a reality show of fear factor meets the bourne ultimatum without the spying, intelligence, or matt damon. so basically it’s quite useless, except for the fact that it’s ridiculously addictive and the feuding, abusive, money-hungry couples make you feel better about your life.
Aside: When i write all of them out like this it gives me a wee bit of perspective on the colossal amounts of time i’ve been wasting. still better than facebook.
i am currently looking for more things to accomplish. if you can help me on my new years resolution of accomplishing as much as possible, by recommending more seasons, series of good or bad tv shows, documentaries, or reality tv shows i should accomplish, please let me know. and if you feel particularly proud of a recent accomplishment you have achieved (i.e. Tom, 6 days, Scrubs Seasons 1-5), or want to reminisce about your first accomplishment (i.e., Mostly Lisa, > 24 hours, 24 Season 1) please share your stories in the comment section below.
let’s all celebrate in your glory!
Mostly Lisa, Age 7.
Ahh, I remember it fondly… the year I got orange and black Halloween gum stuck in my long long hair at school. I was sent to the school nurse who tried everything but paint thinner to remove it, but could not. And though I was young, I was smart enough to know that the school nurse was not a hair stylist, and that letting her near my lovely long hair with a pair of rusty old scissors would not end well.
And so, the sticky, orange-flavoured gum remained in my hair, all day, getting more matted and tangled by the second. By the time I returned home from school, there was absolutely nothing that could be done and so my mum chopped a whopping good 6 inches off.
I think it was this traumatic experience that made me decide, quite stubbornly I might add, that I was going to my own clown face painting. You can see from the results that perhaps this was not my wisest decision.